Online Dating and the Therapist?

I haven’t been here in a long time. So much has happened; I’ll have to pace myself to catch up. Today’s rant is about Online Dating and the Therapist. Let me start by saying I really like my therapist; but she has convinced; at least herself; that I need a man and that will cure-all of my ills. So, it is with this thought in mind that, I have embarked into the world of online dating with my therapist leading the charge.  therapist

This is more than a little weird to me. We should be discussing my issues. My lack of motivation. The reasons why I’m still fat. How about why I always get to work late? My apartment is a mess; let’s discuss that. I hear negative feedback in my head all of the time. I am ambitious and near about lazy at the same time. Let’s not even discuss the number of pills that I am taking. Procrastination fights me for the front seat of my life almost everyday. I feel bereft and without purpose; “a wondering generality” as Zig Ziglar would say. How do I get past myself to the better parts of my life. When does this madness end! I really think we have enough to discuss sans the dating websites but what do we talk about; you got it, the dating websites.

I’ve met a few people. Not the scum of the earth but certainly not love at first sight.I’m still wondering lost and aimless but at least these people do not know that; not yet anyway. What can I say about therapy? I am not sure if I should recommend her to

Sally and Doug had met online and were proving to be very compatible...
Sally and Doug had met online and were proving to be very compatible…

someone or not. You know what I mean? Here I am paying every week for service just to be told that I need to get out and have a life. Is it really that simple? It doesn’t feel that simple and the trolling on the websites is tiresome if not depressing. Wait, I’m already depressed. This is not helping. However, I have discovered that she is better at writing to these people than I would ever be. Most of my message she dictates. A couple of times I’ve wanted to tell people, the one who wrote the message is not the one you’re talking to; let me introduce you to her. I would be pretentious and say she is living vicariously through me but she is a widow with a boyfriend. I should be looking through a window to her life, I think. The sessions are helpful in some ways but not as much as I would like. Is it time for a new therapist or is she on the right track?

In the meantime I’m still working on these websites; meeting people whom I may never see. Learning not to be so frank; scared off a few that way. Learning to enjoy life; I’m not so sure about that. I am convinced there are more chapters in this story. I’ll try to come back and relay some of them here. Stay tuned.




















Praying with My Fingers

"Praying Hands" (study for an Apostl...
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Can you remember the last time you actually prayed? If I told you that sometimes I can’t would that make me a sinner even worse than I am? There are sometimes when I feel like so many things are happening or not happening at such a rate all I can do is sit there. I stare at walls, phones, computer screens even empty sheets of paper and still nothing.   

 Sometimes, I find that I am able to bang out something on the keyboard and I am hoping that the Omnipotent One likes the internet as much as we do. I’ve sent prayer request to people who I have seen and even some that I haven’t seen. I don’t that it works but when I really put my heart into it, I think I feel a difference…Sort of like a lifting  of a burden.           

So today, I had such a moment and after driving to Chick-Fil-A for my Lemon Pie fix; I cam back to my laptop at work and here is some of what I came up with…      

First, I am thankful that the problems I have are nothing compared to the problems of so many in the world today. I’m upset in most part because I can’t get my way. My way is not bad; it’s just not top priority on everyone’s list. Even though my way may seem of the utmost importance to me. somebody else’s way is definitely more important to them.  I have lost my impetus to lose weight.While I am on my rant, it doesn’t  feel fair that folks who resent people with an education are usually the folks who want to be able to tell those people with an education what to do. However, I resent even more the fact that those thoughts come to my mind at all.           

All joking aside, I wish health for myself and my family. I ask for peace for all that work on my campus. I also asked that those whose toes I may have stepped on; know me for the person I am and realize that I meant them no harm.          

I even asked for a blessing on the computer equipment in my room and the same blessings on all the hands that must touch said equipment. While I was at it, I threw in a plug for a companion. I would love for my companion to be Michael Ealy. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. By the way, be sure to check out “Takers” it’s an awesome action flick with a few interesting plot twist.      

 Find out More About the Movie “Takers” at the Internet Movie Database.      

Chris Brown and Michael Ealy in Takers


 I can be silly and serious, sexy and surly,charismatic and close to comatose, a fashionista or more like a frumpy pizza, a great friend or at least a pretty good pet rock and I need for people to see me; as me, not as the enemy, not as one they can best, not intimidating or too much of a good girl; but me. I am princess, just like all the other women around me. I am good enough, even better than I have to be and I would appreciate some cooperation with this divine plan that is for me.  Stop trying to block my blessing; and get in line so you can get yours next. 

  Oh Yes, and of course; All these things, I ask in the name of the Omnipotent One. Amen.           


I Will…

Institute of Mental Health 3, Nov 06
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I will be spending more quality time with my family instead mourning their loss, though years away, through “maltreated” depression. 

I will manage my emotions instead of allowing them to manage me 

I will hold my head high; even after I make a mistake because I am only human 

 I will remind all people that your mental health is just as, if not more important, than your physical well-being. 

I will learn to love my body the way it is, until I get to the way it should be. 

I will find another outlet for frustration and sadness other than food. 

I will start today deciding today not to let everything that doesn’t go my way annoy me. 

I will work to balance my checkbook and not chase it down into overdraft land. 

I will stop letting others issues become my probably and if  I am your friend, act like it. 

I will find out what out what I want to do when I grow up someday and until then I won’ worry about it. 

I will become a better friend. 

I will do things afraid and on purpose. 

I will blog and write in my journal more often. 

I will stop letting anything and anyone frustrate me and at best I definitely won’t let them see me sweat. 

I will read for pleasure. 

Here are some things I commit that I Will do today? What about YOU. What Will You Do? 

I Am This Old and I Still Don’t Know Any Better…

Spider-Man: Friend or Foe
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When I am going to learn. It really is like my father always said…”Everyone is not like you.”   

I am by no means an exhibit of walking perfection, per say. However, sometimes I look at some of the folks around me and I wonder. Do I act like that when I ‘m not looking…I guess I probably do. That means I look just as foolish as they do and I have not one friend who will tell me. What a shame.  I have to get some better friends; or perhaps it is incumbent upon me to become a better friend myself. Perhaps even to become a better friend to myself.  Now there’s a concept.   

I still have been unable to measure how much I really like me and therein  lies a part of the problem.  They say  that “You are  your own worst enemy”.  In some instances that is so easy to see.  Most people are their harshest critic and I know I berate myself for little mistakes that few people often see but that I never miss. I would like to think I am reasonably intelligent and NOT hard on the eyes when you look at me straight on. There’s usually not a shortage of conversation when I am around but I am not loud and certainly wouldn’t call myself the like of the party. I look at myself more like that the nice friend that you invite to dinner to make the number even. That’s important right. Is that the way people who want to stay single think…  

I think I am pretty cool person when it comes to others, but how am I to me.  Is it also true that you can’t be a better friend to someone else than you are to yourself? I really want  to find out that this saying is a small white lie because when I began looking at me; I feel like I have a long way to go…  

A Positively Inspiring Chat with Ruby

A Positively Inspiring Chat with Ruby



If you don’t recognize the name Ruby Gettinger you may not be alone, but after watching just one episode of Ruby on the Style Network (Sundays, 8 p.m. ET) you’ll feel like you’ve known her for years. Unlike other weight-centric reality shows that feature competition, round-the-clock workouts and elimination ceremonies, Ruby follows its namesake star on her quest to shed hundreds of pounds on her own. NeverSayDiet chatted with Ruby, who talked about her journey so far, how she manages to keep a positive outlook and why she feels so connected to the people who watch her show.

NeverSayDiet: Season 1 of Ruby is now out on DVD. What made you decide to document your weight-loss journey on national television when there is so much scrutiny about people’s weight in day-to-day life?

Ruby: On my show I wanted to be the guinea pig. I want to know why there are so many people out there suffering from obesity. There is such a big market out there, and people are making millions of dollars from diet products, but people are still getting bigger. There’s a big disconnect somewhere. I say that I’m on a journey and people are following along with my show.  

NSD: You’ve lost over 100 pounds since your journey began. How were you able to drop the weight and how are you continuing to lose the pounds?

Ruby: The thing that worked for me was the Ourlife Health program. I had to go cold turkey and eat nothing but healthy food. I was mad and I was pouting. It took me six months; it was like a rehab program for eating. But the hard way is the only way to achieve your goals.

Food journaling really helped me, too. We have the Internet now and can find the calories for everything. Turn the package over and find out the serving size because it will shock you. If you keep up with it you’re not going to fail. Even people that aren’t dieting will start [looking at serving size] because you’re cautious about what you’re eating.  

I’m restricted to 1,700 calories a day and some restaurant meals are a week’s worth of calories!   Even [restaurant] salads are bad. People think, “Oh, salads are good for me,” but some are 1,500 calories by the time you add everything in it. If I’m going to eat that many calories just give me some chocolate!

NSD: In Season 2 of Ruby we’ll get to see you leave your hometown of Savannah, GA, and meet people from all over the country. What has it been like connecting with your fans?

Ruby: I love connecting with the fans face to face. I get to hug their necks and kiss their faces.   It’s unbelievable how sweet everyone is. I never knew how lonely some people are. They don’t have anyone to walk with. A lot of people made themselves shut-ins because people didn’t accept them. They are now finding other people to be accountable to and it’s changing their lives.

People are so sweet and it’s just amazing.  Even thin people who used to think, “Why doesn’t she just go on a diet?” are saying they understand my journey and are learning that it’s not that easy.  

NSD: Why do you think fans feel so connected with you?

Ruby: I think people share their stories with me because I share with them. I am so open with my journey. People walk in my shoes. They hear me and they can relate to me and I can relate to them. We share our stories together.  

When I started this thing it was about trying to find out the truth. People are now actually making changes with me. People email me or send me videos and tell me the addictions they’re dealing with. People tell me they’re losing 50 pounds, 80 pounds and sharing it with me.

NSD: Any stories in particular that have impacted you?

Ruby: In Philadelphia a young girl told me she wanted to commit suicide. She said she saw the show and decided not to do it, because she wanted to be happy like me. I told her, “Whatever you have to do [to lose weight], you have to do it.” This is what happens to kids, because they’re getting so verbally abused at school they can’t handle it.

Somewhere down the road of life someone always tells us something negative. We might not remember when, but someone tells you can’t do something and you think they’re right, but it’s bull. You can cross over it.

NSD: You’re such a positive person despite your struggle. How do you manage to keep a smile on your face even on the hardest days?

Ruby: I’ve always been a happy person. Even at 716 pounds I was happy. I love life and I love to laugh. When I start feeling down or feel like I can’t make it, I tell myself, “No. You’re not going to do this.” Sometimes I scream at myself, “Shut up!” because if I go [to a negative place] I’m never going to get to my destination.

Whatever your passion is and whatever burns inside your soul that is your purpose and your destiny. You have to do it or you’ll never be happy. Do whatever it takes to get it. It’s not worth living your life if you’re not doing what you’re passionate about.

Ruby airs on the Style Network Sunday nights at 8 p.m.

—Pat Sandora